Sharing the Pain
by unzulaenglichkeit
Summary: Taichi is dead! Why? How does Hikari deal with it? What about the other Digidestined? Finished!
1. Prologue

I would like this to be a longer fic but if nobody wants me to write more I'm not going to upload another chapter. If you are interested tell me. That means: Review!

Sharing the pain

She laid the white rose before the stone pillar. It was a gravestone, white with black letters. Yagami Taichi. Silent tears ran down her cheeks and fell onto the soft green grass at her feet. She still couldn't accept it. It was so wrong. She wanted to deny that things went this way but she knew that this nightmare was reality. She wanted to wake up and to be greeted by Taichi's snoring from the top bunk. But she could not. Her brother was dead and as much as she wanted it to be just a nightmare she also knew that those were just foolish wishes. Of all people she should know how painful reality was and that it was no use to try to escape into another world. Pain and sorrow were everywhere or at least at every place that ever came into contact with human beings. It sticks to us like the foul smell of death, which no human can ever leave behind. 

A gentle breeze brushed over the graveyard and sent shivers down her back. She felt her warmth being drawn form her by this cold and uncaring world. She was longing for the warmth of other humans but there was nobody who would comfort her. Not anymore. 

She needed human company but they would always disappoint her in the end. The human race was flawed but nobody seemed to care. 

Perhaps it would have been better if she never had experienced a loving embrace or caring words. Would it have been better if she hadn't had a caring family? Or if Yamato had never crossed her path? Could you miss things you never even experienced? 

She looked up at the cloudy sky thinking about the few peaceful hours of the past days. Perhaps he was up there now, in heaven. She wouldn't know. But perhaps the wind could bring her questions to him if he was up there. "Taichi, what have you done?" 

Her whispers where immediately swallowed by the gentle breeze and taken towards the clouds in the sky while her thoughts wandered back to the past days...

                                                                                ***

I'm really curious, is there somebody who actually reads my fics? 

( Apart from you, oh Mistress!)


	2. What's going on?

First of all: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I'm going to keep me promise (or is it a threat?). Here's the next chapter! 

Kari's POV: 

I will never be able to forget the day I came home and he wasn't there any more. It would have been just a normal day like so many before but in the end it changed my entire life. 

The time at school was boring as always and it was quite a relief to get home. Away from all those annoying people. They were tiring me. What do they think I am? A consoler? Why do they have to share all their problems and sorrows with me? What is it that draws them towards me? I'm not going to refuse to help them but do they ever think about my wellbeing? I seriously doubt it. 

I'm just glad that there are others as well. People who care about me. My family and my friends. Of course they can be selfish as well but I really can't blame them for being human. 

Anyways, I don't want to deal with that right now 'cause I know where I would end up and I'm not in the mood to cry and I certainly don't need the headache afterwards. I really should concentrate on other things and forget about the troubles of life. At least for a while. I know that shutting unpleasant thoughts away isn't helping the situation but sometimes it's the only thing I can do. I'm just too tired. Too tired to live on like that. Almost to tired to live at all. 

I know that there are other worlds I could escape to. I've seen two of them already and it's very likely that there are many more not yet discovered. But could any of these worlds give me the peace I'm looking for? Maybe, but I doubt it. I want to believe that everything will be all right one day but it isn't that easy. 

Hope is not what I represent. I wonder if light is able to shin without hope. Well, I don't really need to worry about that. Takeru would never fail us. If light starts to fade away it's my fault. I can feel the weakness deep inside myself. I try to hide it but it's still too obvious. The others seem to suspect something. Especially Ken, Takeru and Yamato. They haven't asked me yet but I know that they are watching me. I don't want to worry them. Perhaps it would be better if I stopped concentrating on my troubles and tried to enjoy the positive things life offers. Life isn't all-bad. I just need to keep that in mind. 

While I tried to convince myself that things weren't as bad as I tended to see them I didn't pay much attention to my surroundings. That's why I ended up in a park near the school. It wasn't on my way home but I didn't care. I was just happy to get away form school and to me the park looked like a good place to calm down. I found a small white bench under an old tree. Only a few leaves were still clinging to the mighty branches stretching out above me. The cars on the busy streets were so distant and not a single person was there to disturb the beautiful silence. It felt so good to just sit there. Nothing mattered at that moment. It was so peaceful but there was this feeling that it was not enough. All of a sudden I felt very lonely. There was no one around I could share this moment with. 

I will never get used to that feeling of loneliness. I wonder how Yamato deals with it. We call him our friend but most of the time he is alone. Only Takeru gets close to him but they are slowly growing apart. Nevertheless I admire their strength. I don't know what I would do if I got separated from Taichi. Even thinking about it already hurts. I almost envy them for their strength and courage. Do they never need help at all? Takeru has his mother and us, his friends, to support him so there is no need to worry about him but how can Yamato live like that? He is so withdrawn and it's hard work to get more than two complete sentences out of him. He avoids his closest friends and he has no parents he could rely onto. I would pity him but he wouldn't want our pity. We know that he isn't as invulnerable as he acts. He is just as human as I am but this masquerade is his way of shielding his heart against all fears and sorrows. He keeps everything out without making a difference between good and bad. Poor Yamato. I am pretty sure that we could help him if he let us get closer but he seems to be too afraid to do that. 

I shivered as the cold wind brushed over my body. I looked up to the sky. The temperature seemed to have dropped and the bright blue sky was hidden behind dark grey clouds. Warmth, that's what I need right now and I know where to get it. 

It's time to get home anyway. Taichi's probably worried already. Sweet Taichi, always worried for me, always there for me. I don't even need to tell him what's bothering me he will understand non-the less. Perhaps that's the difference between Yamato and me. Both of us are hurting but I have a place where I can find safety, peace and love and he has nothing like that. Sure his family cares for him but they can't give him what he longs for. They are too busy with their own lives or just too far away. Only trying to help him isn't enough. He needs somebody who's always there for him when he needs someone. Somebody who supports him like Taichi supports me. 

I had left the silence of the peaceful park behind me and was now making me way back home through the noisy and crowded streets of Odaiba. I slipped through the uncaring mass of people towards my save sanctuary. The cold wind blew into my face and men and women in dark business suits kept bumping into me. I quickened my pace to escape the loneliness within the crowd of busy people. I think I could have collapsed or even died right there on the street and nobody would have given a damn about it. Moments like that remind me of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family. Yet I am not always as thankful as I should be. I think I'm missing something. I just don't know what it is that they can't give me. 

I could see our apartment block now, a building made of steel and stone. There is nothing natural to its grey and cold facade. But inside of this anonym block of concrete there was warmth. The warmth of my loving family. 

I was almost running now. I couldn't wait to get away from the noisy streets. Taichi should already be back from soccer practice and mom would be home soon. 

As I came closer to the building I slowed down. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. I had spotted a small crowed gathering around an ambulance car right in front of our building. 

As I walked closer I tried to calm myself but that terrible feeling in the back of my mind wouldn't go away. I can't explain why but I already knew that whatever had happened had something to do with my family or me. I had reached the crowed now. I could hear the people murmuring things but I didn't pay much attention to their words as I pushed through the crowed. 

When I reached the front I recognised one of our neighbours. She was trying to comfort a crying woman. Without much success. The crying woman then raised her head a little allowing me to see her face. It was my mom. Her eyes were red from crying, her hair was a mess and her blouse was stained with tears. I wanted to run to her, to comfort her but my feet wouldn't move. I tried to understand what was going on. Why was she crying? She had no obvious injuries so why the ambulance? 

While I was still in shock and unable to move my mother had noticed me. She pulled away from our neighbour and ran towards me. I just starred at her as she hugged me tightly, still sobbing. I knew that she wouldn't be able to explain what had happened so I just let her cry. 

The mumbling around us grew louder as the doors of the building opened and revealed the crew of the ambulance. Two of them were carrying a stretcher with a human body under a white sheet. I couldn't take my eyes away form the stretcher. The shape under the sheet looked so familiar to me. As if I had seen it many times before. 

My mother was crying even harder now. Slowly I began to realize the tragedy, which had taken place. My mother tried to hold me but I tore away form her and ran over to the stretcher. I had to know. They were loading the lifeless body into the ambulance when I reached them. They were too surprised to stop me from pulling away the sheet. 

There he was. Taichi. 

                                                                                ***

Personally I liked the prologue better but I'm still somewhat proud of this chapter. I didn't know where to start so it took me some time. What do you think? Review and tell me!


	3. Alone

It's been a while but her is the third chapter. I was pretty busy that's why it took me so long. Sorry, just in case that somebody was waiting.  
  
  
  
General POV:  
  
Days had passed and Hikari still refused to leave the darkness of her room for more than a couple of minutes. She barely ate anymore no matter how hard her parents tried to cheer her up. It was no surprise that these last days were already affecting her appearance. Her bright brown eyes were now dull and looked more like two empty holes than the two sparkling pools of light they had once been. The dark circles under her eyes were clearly visible against her pale skin and the loss of weight made her look even more fragile and ghostly.  
  
All the other Digidestined except Sora and Yamato, who seemed to have great troubles to deal with the situation themselves, had come to visit her. But she refused to speak or even see them. It was just too painful. How could they understand? Did they know how it feels when a part of you, a part of your life and soul is forcefully torn from you and damned to burn to ashes? No! Never did they experience the pain of losing one of their loved ones. They have no idea how much it hurts.  
  
Hikari's heart was aching and she wanted to cry, to cry for Taichi but the tears wouldn't come. What were the others going to think of her? She was sure that she could trust her friends but would they understand? Hikari knew she had to face them sooner or later, probably at the funeral or at school. What would they think of her if she wasn't even able to cry for her own damned brother? Sure, they would give her sympathetic, understanding smiles but were they real or fake? Which thoughts were they hiding behind them?  
  
She heard her mother knocking on the door and calling her name. It all seemed so distant to Hikari like everything else had been during those last days. Almost like she was slowly leaving her body and was now watching herself from the outside. It felt as if an unknown force was calling her to another place where she was save, save from all the pain that comes along with human contact. But she was not giving in, not yet at least. The call was tempting and strangely familiar but something within her was holing her back.  
  
The knocking and her mother's voice calling her name through the closed door were still constantly coming. At first she ignored the annoying noise but it was obvious that her mother wouldn't give up that easy this time. Finally she gave in and opened the door for her mother to come into her room for the first time since Taichi's death.  
  
Her mother didn't need to tell her what this all was about. Hikari already knew that it was the day of her brother's funeral and that it was time for her to get ready. So she got up and began to fix her hair much to her mother's surprise who had expected at least some resistance.  
  
After putting on a black hairclip instead of her usual pink one she began to pick out the clothes she was going to wear at the funeral. She hesitated for a moment but then she finally chose a long black skirt, a slightly large pullover and boots. Her pale skin now almost seemed to glow against the contrast of her black clothes and the twilight in her room. After making sure that her daughter was ready Mrs. Yagami left to get ready herself while Hikari climbed back onto her bed, curled up into a ball and remained in this position until it was time to leave.  
  
*  
  
It was a rather small funeral. Only the closest family members and some friends had been informed. Of course all the other Digidestined were there as well. Even Yamato and Sora, who hadn't showed up since they had heard about Taichi's death, had come. Now Sora was constantly crying into Mimi's shoulder who was struggling herself not to break down completely. Yamato on the other hand showed no trace of any emotion at all. His face reminded them of a frozen mask and his eyes looked cold and dead. They only could guess what was going on behind these walls he was hiding behind. Nobody was surprised by their behaviour which was predictable. But they were really worried about Hikari. They had expected Yamato to behave like she did now but never the Child of Light. They already knew that the young blonde was a master of hiding his emotions and feelings but Hikari wasn't like that. She was always a kind and friendly person who wouldn't hide her feelings and problems from her friends like the Child of Friendship. At least that's what they thought.  
  
Little did they know that even the light within her was tainted. Never did she tell them about the darkness which haunted her in her dreams. Taichi had been the only one who knew about the threatening shadows. But now he couldn't tell anyone about them any more. He was gone, never again to rest in a warm and loving embrace. Instead his body was lying in a lonely coffin buried in the cold and humid ground between rotting bodies, bones and worms.  
  
As they stood there watching the coffin being lowered into the ground Takeru kept his eyes on Hikari. She had changed so much and he wasn't even sure if the little girl who had once been his best friend was still inside her. But he was willing to give her every kind of help she could ask for.  
  
With a small thud the wooden box reached the ground and while everybody else was still watching Yamato turned around and left without a word. Nobody tried to stop him for they knew it would be useless. A couple of minutes passed with some more people leaving until Hikari turned around.  
  
Takeru made a step towards her and began:" Hikari, I'm so sorry but...".  
  
"No, don't even try Takeru," the young girl interrupted him. He immediately stopped and listened to what she had to say.  
  
"Don't tell me that you are sorry. Don't tell me that life is going on.  
  
Do you think I don't know that? I'm not dumb!"  
  
She stopped for a moment to look at their worried faces before she quietly went on:  
  
"You just don't understand. I'm hurting but there is nobody by my side to help me. You can't help me unless you can bring my brother back to life so please just stay away from me and let me handle my problems alone."  
  
Then she left before any of them could speak.  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
For those of you who are still interested: I'm still busy but I'll keep working. Might take some time but there will be more.  
  
Even flames are welcomed, just review! 


	4. Fading

After they had witnessed Hikari's disturbing behaviour during the funeral the other Digidestined decided to help her. They wouldn't just stand near by while one of them was in trouble and Hikari was definitely in trouble. Sorrow and pain were quickly clouding her mind and separating her form her friends and family. She was still struggling with her emotions but it was obvious that she would probably lose the battle soon and then it might be impossible to tear the curtains apart which separated them. But they were determined to prevent that from happening. They were not going to just stand there and watch while their friend needed help. It didn't matter if Hikari wanted them to help her or not. All of them knew that they had to do something and quick before it was too late.  
  
All of them understood the importance of the current meeting when they arrived at the park. They had decided to meet there and discuss their next steps. One after another they arrived and the meeting began. Sora and Mimi were sitting on one of the countless park benches with Joe standing next to Mimi. Takeru and Koushiro were sitting in the cool grass at their feet. Even Yamato had showed up and was now standing a little apart from the others, his silhouette mostly hidden by the long hanging branches of the willow tree which he was leaning against. There was an uncomfortable silence as they were waiting for the first one to speak. Some minutes passed without a spoken word until Sora couldn't take it any longer and broke the silence.  
  
"I ... I guess I don't need to tell you why we are here today. It might already be too late but... I think we should try to help Hikari." Her voice was shaky and barely loud enough for them to understand the words but she continued anyway: "It's hard for all of us but I guess no matter how close we felt to Taichi..." She had to stop for a moment to whip some tears from her eyes and to gather her voice to go on. "Still, we could never be as close to him as his little sister. That's why we have to help her. She probably suffers more than we can imagine from Taichi's.. death."  
  
Having used up all her composure she sat down again and cried silently. Mimi who was trying to comfort her friend was the next one to speak. "It's okay Sora. You don't have to persuade us to help Hikari. We all feel the need to help her through this time and we are not going to let her down now, no matter how much we might be affected our self."  
  
"I think we all agree on that but has anybody of you thought any further. I mean it's only natural that friends don't let each other down but have you ever thought about how we are going to help her? You can't comfort a person who keeps pushing you away. Hikari is already drifting away from us and we can do nothing but watching from the outside if she doesn't change her mind and lets us get through to her."  
  
They stayed silent for a few minutes and let Joe's words sink in. All of them had known it before but they ignored these problems which they knew would only bring more pain. Only Joe, responsible and reasonable as always, reminded them that there was more to do than just to promise their help. The words come easily but actions have to follow and that's far more difficult.  
  
Takeru was the first one to break the growing silence. "Joe is right. It might be difficult to reach her but it can't be impossible. No matter how hard it may be we have to keep trying. Hikari would do the same thing for us." In his mind the train of thought went on. 'Actually she always does such things for us and nobody every found it worth to mention.' But he never spoke these words out loud.  
  
While they kept trying to ensure each other, Yamato who had been silently listening all the time, turned his back on them and left without anyone noticing as the nearing rain clouds began to darken the horizon.  
  
*  
  
The distant sound of rolling thunder could be heard and the world around her was slowly fading into ghostly shapes and forms in the twilight of the late afternoon sun as the night was slowly rising. The faint light of the stars was standing out against the darkening sky only to be soon again hidden behind the approaching clouds. Hikari paid little attention to her surroundings but it was near impossible not to notice the upcoming storm. 'Maybe the rain could wash away the pain. The planet has been tainted by humanities presence and they say that God sent the rain to clean Earth from our sins so why shouldn't it work on me too? But when you think about it if God was kind and forgiving like they say he wouldn't have taken Taichi away. In fact it seems to me that this so called "God" is nothing but cruel. How could he kill my oni-chan and at the same time let me here alone to suffer?'  
  
She looked up from her feet to see if anyone was around. She had returned to the small park for various reasons but mainly because none of the other Digidestined knew this place. After making sure that nobody was following her she went over to the bench she had discovered when she was here for the first time and sat down. The wind was constantly getting stronger and carried the noise from the busy streets up to the sky and away from her. She was alone in the park only the whispering of the wind as it brushed through the trees around her and took some dry leafs with him was there to keep her company. But that's what she wanted.  
  
To her it seemed like it was better this way. If the others were here now they surely wouldn't know what to say or what to do. There would be this terrible, uncomfortable silence between them and they would try to start a conversation and it would just end up in an even more embarrassing loss of words. No, it was better to be alone. Not only now but perhaps always. Yamato did it all the time and he was ok, wasn't he? Life would be so much easier without always considering other people's thoughts and feelings. Until now she always tried hard to live up to the expectations of the people around her but did it bring her happiness? Was she happy with her current life? Her face hardened at the thought and she felt like crying but she didn't. She knew if she let the tears come now she wouldn't be able to stop them again.  
  
So she just sat there, the wind blowing some dry, dead leafs around her feet. She was so caught up in her thoughts of misery and self-pity that she was completely oblivious to her surroundings. That's why she failed to notice the person watching her from the shadows of a group of willows just a few meters down the path. Even for an attentive person it wouldn't have been easy to see the dark, slender figure of a young blond man hiding in the dark spots between the trees. And Hikari was nowhere near attentive, so she never acknowledged the presence of her silent observer. They stayed this way for some time until the shadowy figure finally decided to leave. He turned around and disappeared in the shadows between the trees just as quietly as he had come leaving the young girl behind, alone with her grief. That's why he never saw her flickering like a static TV before she finally faded away completely. 


	5. Coming home

Storm clouds were rising at the horizon but the sea was still quiet. Only a dull grey twilight was shining through the thick foggy blanket which was covering the sky. This world was void of any noises save for the constant sound of the waves at the shores and the howling of the wind. There were no signs of living creatures and even the trees seemed hostile. Everything was tainted in some shade of grey, white or black. They seemed to be the only existing colours. He could feel the sand shifting under his shoes and the wind brushing over his skin as he stood at the forsaken beach staring out at the sea and he thought that he heard somebody whispering his name. Somebody was calling him .  
  
***  
  
The dream came to an end and the blonde's eyes flew open. Two pools of crystal blue staring into the darkness. But despite the lack of light he knew immediately that he was at home. Or at least that's what he called the place where he and his father lived. But in the depths of his heart he knew that he belonged to somewhere else. He hadn't been there for some time now but maybe he could go back for a short visit or perhaps even for a longer stay. Perhaps that was the reason why this dream kept haunting him. He tried to push these thoughts out of his mind. For his liking it was way too late or too early, depending on how you see it, for such thoughts.  
  
A sigh escaped his lips as he untangled himself from his sheets and got up to open the curtains. It was still dark outside but only a few of the brightest stars were visible between the clouds from within the never darkening city. The cold artificial light from the streetlamps was barely enough to illuminate the dark room. He made his way to the kitchen nevertheless without problems. After getting a glass of water he sat down at the small kitchen table. The last memories of his dreams were already fading away fast when he notice the crumbled piece of paper lying in the middle of the table. He picked it up and began to read the message which had obviously been written in a great hurry. It read:  
  
"I'll be gone for some days. You know where the money is, right? Call me if there should be problems."  
  
Dad  
  
So he was alone again. He knew the procedure all too well. His father would leave for an important business trip and would leave him behind with some money. Enough to pay the bills and buy what else he would need. It had been this way since his parents got divorced and he had to leave his mother and brother and instead move in with his father. He was used to being alone but he was still wondering: 'Would they even care if I just left?'  
  
Suddenly the pictures form his dream came back to his mind and he knew immediately were he could try to escape to. A place where he might be able to spend some peaceful hours without caring about things like friends, school, his band or his future. A place where he was his own master, not depending on his parents or his friends or anyone else. He hadn't been there for a long time but now he felt drawn back to this lonely place. He could almost hear the sea calling his name just like in his dreams. And now he wanted to go. It felt almost wrong not to be there and he knew why. He just had to go for it was the place where he felt welcomed and truly at home.  
  
It hadn't always been like that. The first time he went to this world of shadows he was terrified. He felt so lost and alone with no one around. But he quickly realized that this empty and lifeless world could be his private sanctuary. To him it was the perfect place where he could spend hours alone just thinking. In the Real world he did that too but it was not the same. No matter how hard he tried to get some privacy something or rather somebody would disturb him. He knew that they weren't doing it on purpose and that their intentions may be good but he hated it nevertheless. He had even tried to explain it to them but had eventually given up. Why couldn't they understand him? He honestly didn't know.  
  
Outside small raindrops were still hitting against the windows as he walked over to the bathroom to get one of his father's razors. He really hated what he was about to do but still went on without hesitating. The whole act of cutting his wrists meant nothing to him; it was just a useful tool for his purposes. The stinging and burning pain spread through his arm as the shining piece of metal cut deep into his pale flesh. He pressed his other hand over the bleeding wound and shut his eyes but the blood still kept dripping onto the bathroom floor. The small red spots were contrasting brightly with the cold white porcelain tiles. If this wouldn't make it easier for him to leave the Real world and access the Dark Ocean he wouldn't touch the razor in a hundred years. Too much did he loathe the pain which he inflicted onto himself. With his blue eyes open again he stared at his own reflection in the mirror. His friends would have been shocked if they saw him like that.  
  
His hair, an unruly mess, was hanging into his face, partly hiding his tired eyes. Slowly his look wandered back to his hands once more. The ghostly pale skin had been stained by the crimson blood and they were slightly shaking. But this wasn't what the young blond paid attention to. Patiently he kept staring at his hands while the blood would keep coming and forming a small puddle on the floor and then suddenly it began.  
  
He could feel his body being pulled by an unseen force while the world around him went blurry and started to fade. Everything around him felt so distant now and he could sense something like a dark veil being dropped over his head and cutting off all his connections to the world. He closed his eyes and let the darkness wrapping itself closer around his body and mind and taking him to another world.  
  
***  
  
Finally, after the darkness which had embraced his mind and clouded all his senses, had vanished he opened his eyes just to find himself lying in the cold grey sand of the shores with the waves of the dark sea quietly crashing against them. He stayed like this for a moment, just lying there and inhaling the cold sea breeze before he got up. He brushed the grey sand off of his clothes and stared walking, without a destination or a goal in mind.  
  
***  
  
  
  
No reviews for the last chapter? Well, that's ok. I mean I know that the story sucks and that it seems to get nowhere but I'm going to finish it anyway. Which doesn't mean that I wouldn't appreciate to get some reviews.. 


	6. Questions

She had always thought that the sound of the ocean had something calming but now after a few hours of sitting on the beach of the Dark Ocean she wasn't so sure anymore. She had to admit she had always been somewhat scared by this strange and foreign place but at the same time the soft sound of the dark waves always helped her mind to find some rest.  
  
But this day it was different. She didn't find the so desired peace she was looking for. Instead the constant murmuring of wind and sea seemed to encourage her mind to keep working and so one question kept running through her head: Why did her brother have to die?  
  
She didn't even know what had caused his sudden death. She was sure she would have notice something if he had been ill but he never gave her a reason to be suspicious. To her he had seemed to be just as carefree and full of life as always. Even his grades were slightly improving during his last months. If anyone had asked her she would have told them that he had never been better. Or did she miss something?  
  
Again and again she had asked herself during these last days if there had been something going on without her noticing it. By now she was pretty sure that something must have been wrong or why else would her parents refuse to tell her the cause of death? People don't just die like that or at least Taichi wouldn't. Old people died like that but her brother was only nineteen. How could something like that happen to normal teenager who hadn't even been sick?  
  
But what if he had been sick? She knew how well he would hide things he deemed to dangerous for his little baby sister. He would give her no reason to worry about him. When it came to their younger siblings he and Yamato would do almost everything to make sure of their well-being.  
  
Hikari drew her knees closer to her chest as she sat in the cool sand and her eyes kept staring out at the dark sea. She couldn't tell if there was a sun or anything comparable hidden behind the thick wall of fog and clouds but she noticed that the light was slowly fading and the day seemed to come to an end. She thought briefly about looking for a place where she would be save for the night but quickly dismissed the thought again. She didn't want to get up and wander around aimlessly in hope of finding a small cave or something like that and ending up lost in those dark woods.  
  
The cool sea breeze was softly brushing over her skin when she brought her attention back to her previous thoughts. She wondered if Takeru knew how luck he was to have a brother like Yamato. Just like Taichi he would never let his younger sibling down. Unlike her. She felt like she had failed her brother when he would have needed her the most. But then again how was she supposed to help him when he kept all problems as far away from her as possible? Instead of telling her he would say that it was nothing and bottle it all up inside of him or at least ask Yamato for advice.  
  
Sometimes she envied the blond teenager for the trust Taichi put into him while at the same time she was kept out of every potential trouble as good as possible. But did he trust him enough to tell him about his late problems, which Hikari was sure now had been existing? Why hadn't she asked her brothers friend before? But there was no use in mourning missed chances now. She was lost in the Dark Ocean without knowing how to get back.  
  
Being too desperate and too tired to do anything else the young girl curled up in a ball and began to cry softly.  
  
***  
  
He had been following the seemingly endless beach for hours without meeting another living being and he didn't really mind at all. The loneliness in this world was the reason for his being here after all. He had wished for some time alone and he got what he wished for. He was finally all alone and now he should be able to think some things over without further distraction.  
  
But what exactly was keeping his mind busy? He wanted to believe that it was all about his family, his friends and school but inwardly he knew it better. He had lied to himself and he had tried to run from reality. He didn't feel sorry for going to the Dark Ocean but he also knew that it wouldn't help at all if he didn't face his worries.  
  
To deceive others was easy but he couldn't ignore to truth forever. The guilt was slowly overshadowing his whole life. He had to accept the fact that he had let his best friend down.  
  
Angrily he kicked some shells and small stones into the sea. He still didn't want to even think about what had happened and what he had done, or to be more exact what he hadn't. Wouldn't it have been his duty as his best friend to give him every kind of help he needed, even against Taichi's will?  
  
While he thought some more about it he noticed the change of light in the sky above. He stopped and watched the clouds and even the sea getting darker. The wind was stronger now and blew tiny sand corns into his face. He brought one arm up in front of his face and tried to shield his eyes form the stinging sand. He knew he had to find a place for the night soon but before he could even think any further a small black spot on the beach a few hundred meters from where he had stopped caught his eye.  
  
Despite it's dark colour and the lack of light it was standing out against the otherwise empty beach. At first he hesitated but then he decided to get closer to get a better look at it.  
  
***  
  
She had only cried for a few minutes when she heard soft footsteps in the sand behind her. Somebody had come close up and had now stopped only a few steps away form her. She didn't even want to imagine who or what had sneaked up behind her up but it really wouldn't make the situation any different if she just stayed like she was now, curled up in a ball and looking away from whatever was standing behind her.  
  
She slowly moved and tried to get up when suddenly a familiar voice from behind spoke up: "Hikari?" Immediately she stopped getting up as if frozen in time. Did her mind already play tricks on her? Slowly and carefully she turned her head to get a first look at the person behind her. Tears where still clouding her eyes but she could make out a slim blonde figure dressed in black gazing down onto her.  
  
"Yamato? Is that you?", she asked in a whisper as she tried to brush the tears from her eyes.  
  
***  
  
Only about half an hour later both of them were sitting side by side in the entrance of a small cave. Yamato hadn't wasted much time explaining his presence but instead taken Hikari's hand and dragged her behind him. It didn't take him very long to find what he had been looking for. He had spotted a hill rising from the edge of the wood, which on one side ended rather suddenly in a steep cliff. They even found a small cave, which was just big enough to protect them against the wind and rain. On their way to the cave Yamato had picked up some wood and after a few tries he had managed to start a small fire to keep them warm.  
  
Neither of them had said a word since they had met on the beach and the young blond seemed to be absolutely comfortable with this silence. Hikari however had so many questions she wanted to ask him but she didn't know how and if she should try to break through the walls of silence Yamato was building around himself. But she had to hear his answers so she decided for the direct approach. "Yamato, may I ask you some questions?" 


	7. Truth

"Yamato, may I ask you some questions?" There. She had asked him. She turned her head slightly looking away form the seemingly endless murky water to get a better look at her blonde companion. His face gave no sign if he had heard her or not. He just sat there, knees drawn close to his chest, his chin resting on his knees and gazing silently out of the cave into the twilight. She decided to wait patiently for his answer but when he just kept starring at the sea she began to grow anxious.  
  
Hadn't he heard her question or was he just ignoring her? She knew how stubborn he could be but now he began to frighten her. He could at least tell her to shut up! Yes, she even wished he would shout at her and tell her how stupid she had been. Everything would have been better than this horrible silence. Why didn't he answer her? Why wouldn't he talk to her?  
  
"What do you want to know?"  
  
Hikari was on the verge of tears and his soft voice and those gentle words, almost whispered, had startled her. She had no idea. What did she want to know? She closed her eyes for a moment trying to concentrate and compose herself before she spoke again:  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
She watched him from the side as she waited for her answer. He was still watching the ocean but now she knew he was thinking about the question and she would wait until he was ready to talk. After a few more moments he spoke again without ever looking at her. Again his words were very gentle and barely above a whisper:  
  
"It was my decision."  
  
The young girl just starred at him confusion clearly visible in her eyes. How could this be his decision? Nobody had ever asked her if she wanted to be here but now she had ended up in this strange world once again without knowing why or how she could get back home again.  
  
"Does that mean you are here because you wished to be here?"  
  
A small smile came to his lips but was gone again immediately.  
  
"Yes, I'm here on free will. Perhaps you don't realize it but you came to this place willingly as well."  
  
The confusion slowly gave way to anger as she sat there listening to this nonsense and watching him smile. How could he believe that she wanted to be here? Before she had met him she had been lost, afraid and without hope of ever getting home again. She had never asked for being taken to this ocean. This was certainly not what she had wanted.  
  
"You can't be serious! Do you really think I want to be here? I hate this place! Every time I end I up here it's not because I want it. It just happens."  
  
Now the small smile had returned to his lips and this time it stayed there: "Are you sure?"  
  
The question was simple but Hikari found herself unable to answer. She wanted to shout into his face that she hadn't been so sure of anything else ever before but she just couldn't. In fact she was no longer sure at all. She wondered how he could so easily break through her stubborn shell of anger and make her think again. His questions and answers were so simple but they forced her to think straight again. Was it really her decision to be here? Did she instinctively enter the Dark Ocean on free will?  
  
Yamato had been watching her with interest. He could clearly see that his questions had obviously set some thoughts in motion. He waited a few seconds before he decided to give her something else to think about:  
  
"Didn't you know that the Dark Ocean can only take you if you allow it to do so? Without your permission, consciously or unconsciously, it wouldn't be able to bring you to this place."  
  
She didn't look at him but instead she let her eyes wander over the darkening landscape and sea outside of the cave. He knew she had heard him even without giving any sign of acknowledgment. He would let her think everything over and wait until she was ready to speak about why she was here. Furthermore he had a few things on his mind he wanted to think over as well.  
  
"It's getting late and I think we should try to get some sleep. Tomorrow we can talk some more if you want. Ok?"  
  
Hikari only nodded before she got up and walked a little deeper into the cave. Yamato got up as well and followed he. He put some more dry twigs into the fire before he stretched out next to it. He closed his deep blue eyes and waited for sleep to take over. The wind was howling outside but he could clearly hear the soft rustling at his side. Hikari had curled up in a ball and was now lying next to him pressing gently against his body. He kept his eyes shut but allowed a small smile to come to his lips as he carefully stroke her soft brow hair with one hand while slowly falling asleep.  
  
***  
  
When Hikari woke up the next day the small fire had already gone out a long time ago. The sky outside was still clouded and the sun was hidden behind this thick blanket but according to the almost bright grey sky it seemed to be already past noon. She decided to get up and look for Yamato who was nowhere to be seen. It was then that she noticed the black pullover being wrapped around her body. She wondered. Did he leave without it just to keep her warm? Obviously. But why? She would have to ask him about it later.  
  
She got up and put the pullover on. It was way to big for her just as she had expected but it felt good anyway. It even smelled like him. Smiling slightly she stepped out of the cave and immediately the cold sea breeze filled her lungs. She looked around in search of the young blonde and soon spotted a familiar figure sitting on the otherwise deserted beach with his back leaning against a small rock. He was staring out to the sea and didn't look up when he heard her approaching him from behind.  
  
She let herself slide down against the cold rock sitting right next to him. They remained in that position for quite some time without saying a word. Again it was Hikari who finally broke the spell.  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
He turned his head to look at her curiously for a moment before he spoke:  
  
"I thought I already told you."  
  
He really had told her but obviously the younger girl was not satisfied with his answer.  
  
"No, you did not. You just told me that you are here on free will but you never gave me the reason why you would want to be here in this forsaken world. So, why are you here?"  
  
His eyes were wandering back to the water again and he seemed to be deep in thought as he tried to find a proper answer to her question. Sure, he had been avoiding the topic the last night but he had a rather good reason to do so. How could he tell her that he had let her brother down just when he would have needed him the most? How could he tell her that it was entirely his fault? Of course she would hate him if he told her the truth but he couldn't lie to her either. There really was no use denying it any longer. He had to face his guilt and she deserved to know the truth about her brother's death.  
  
"Do you know the reason why your brother died?"  
  
"No, they didn't tell me what had happened. I guess they think I wouldn't be able to handle it."  
  
It was so clearly visible in her face how much it hurt her to talk about her dead brother. He could see the pain in her soft and beautiful eyes but he had to tell her.  
  
"I really hope they were wrong because the truth is that I am the reason for Taichi's death."  
  
Once she had realized what he had just told her she could only stare at him in shock. Her eyes were wide open and all colour seemed to have been drawn from her face leaving her ghostly pale. She wanted to say something but the words just wouldn't leave her mouth so Yamato continued.  
  
"Now I know that it was wrong to keep my mouth shut but I had given him my word. I guess you are always wiser afterwards. I have failed him and the rest of you. After all he had been my best friend and I was supposed to be there for him whenever he needed help. Obviously I wasn't or else he wouldn't be dead now. I made a mistake and now I'll have to pay for the rest of my life."  
  
"What are you talking about? Yamato, please tell me. What does that mean?"  
  
He was avoiding her eyes now. He couldn't face her so he just kept watching the small waves. But he could feel her pleading eyes on him, waiting to finally hear the truth about her brother's death and in his opinion she deserved to know what had caused the tragedy.  
  
"As I told you it was entirely my fault that your brother had to die. As I know now I had been the only one he had told about those problems, which finally were his downfall. He had opened up to me and he had trusted me. He told me things no one else knew and I gave him my word that I would never talk to anybody else about it. I had a bad feeling about it. Almost like some kind of dark premonition But I thought we would make it together.  
  
Well I guess I was wrong. It was arrogant and foolish of me to think that my help and friendship would be enough. He was addicted and he told me about it. He was desperately looking for help but yet too afraid to talk to anyone but me."  
  
"Addicted? To what?" Tears where now threatening to fall from her eyes.  
  
"Drugs. He never told me what exactly he was doing but in the end it killed him."  
  
"But why?"  
  
"He was an addicted. I suppose he really couldn't help it. But that's not what you wanted to hear, right? We once talked about it and he finally confessed that he mainly needed it to keep up his image. He felt as if the whole world was on his shoulders. It was hard for him to live up to the expectations of the people around him, he told me. It almost seemed like he was afraid of disappointing everybody.  
  
Hell, I don't even know for how long his happy and carefree appearance was just faked! He fooled us and we didn't even see it coming!"  
  
He had smashed his fist into the cool, grey sand. The tiny but sharp edged grains of sand bit into his skin like thousands of little razor blades but the anger which had built up inside him so suddenly was fading away already and guilt now filled the emptiness he felt inside.  
  
It was his fault after all. But now she knew the truth. She would hate him now of course. How could she not? If he hadn't been so arrogant to think his help would be enough for Taichi to get over it his friend would probably still be alive. He had taken one of the most precious things in her life form her and would never be able to bring him back.  
  
He let himself fall to the side into the sand curling up in a ball and letting the silent tears run down his face. He deserved to be left alone in this empty world but he would never have expected nor, at least in his opinion, deserved what happened next.  
  
Hikari drew closer and cradled his head in her lap.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered while running her fingers trough his silky golden hair.  
  
***  
  
  
  
I really got reviews!? I really didn't expect that. Thanks to all who reviewed! I'm currently thinking about a Taiora side story but I'm not really sure if I'm really going to write it. There is still a little more to come but it may take some time. School is keeping me busy. 


	8. New life

'And where does the new-born go from here?' - Kusanagi Motoko (Ghost in the Shell)  
  
  
  
Hikari's POV:  
  
That night we had spent in each other's arms. I had kissed him and I had told him that I loved him and I had really meant it. Those moments, they were like magic and meant so much to me but now only a few days later they seem to be so distant and unreal almost like a half forgotten dream.  
  
Yet I know that it had been all too real and I'll always have those precious little memories to keep me warm inside when there is nothing but the chilling pain of human existence around me.  
  
His beautiful immaculate face, partly hidden by his blond locks, over me. The shimmer of the flickering fire illuminating his pale skin. His crystal blue eyes, not hard and piercing for once but soft and loving, gazing down on me with the kindest, most caring smile I had ever seen on his lips.  
  
I hadn't felt so happy and save in days. In that very moment I wasn't even sure if I had ever felt so content before.  
  
Just then he embraced me and we kissed and it was as if all sorrows had been taken from me immediately. The moment our lips met for the first time I will never forget. I felt as if thousands of tiny electro shocks were running trough my body.  
  
But there was so much more than the indescribable feeling of our first kiss while our bodies were pressing against each other. It was as if I could see right into his soul, to feel what he felt, to see what he saw. It lasted for just a second but during this short moment our souls were united. I'm well aware how stupid that may sound but that's what it felt like. We were sharing one heart and one mind. We shared love and sorrow, hope and despair. I saw how much I meant to him and in return I let him see my feelings for him.  
  
That night I slept in his arms without any nightmare tormenting me because I knew as long as we were both alive we would never be completely alone. It was the first time since Taichi's death that I really felt happy again.  
  
When I woke up the next morning I was alone again. But what troubled me more was the fact that I was at home again. Had I dreamed all these things? No, not possible. Everything had been too real to be a dream. When I crawled out of my bed my eyes landed on a small piece of paper sitting on my desk. I went over and carefully picked it up.  
  
Yamato had left it there after he had brought me home. He wanted me to know that everything what I had seen during the last days was real and that he had meant every single word of what he had said to me then. But he also wanted me to know that he still needed some time alone and that we were not going to see each other anytime soon. He promised me to come back and then perhaps we could be together if I still wanted to.  
  
At first I thought my heart was going to break but then I thought of all the things he had told me and it was ok. I still wanted him to be by my side but I had to respect his decision. Besides he had promised me to come back and I believed him.  
  
But until that day I am going to take care of myself. I will face my life with the knowledge that I'm not alone and one day he is going to fulfill his promise I'm sure of that.  
  
*  
  
She looked down on the white stone slab once more letting the happy memories of her brother and her embrace her. No, she was not alone. Taichi would always be with her as long as she kept these memories in her heart and then there was Yamato. He hadn't really disappointed her. He had never made any promises to her before and she hadn't really expected him to love her. But he did and now he had given her his word that he would be with her one day if she still wanted him.  
  
Her life was going on even without Taichi and surely he would want her to be happy. She would never forget him but now her future was waiting and she was eager to see what would await her.  
  
"Good-buy Taichi."  
  
******  
  
  
  
Finally finished. I would like the thank everyone who read and reviewed my story. @ KirbyGirl: Maybe I would have listened to you but I wanted to end the story like this from the beginning. But I agree, it was time to come to an end. I'm still working on a short Taiora side story but I'm not yet sure if or when I'm going to post it. 


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